It is not about verbal or non-verbal communication as a whole. The rule is intended to apply only to a situation where a speaker is expressing feelings or attitudes. 9, 2019, 6:09 p.m.): An earlier version of this article misstated the proper application of the so-called '7/38/55 rule,' which says that only 7 percent of a speaker's meaning is conveyed through word selection. It's still not pleasant, but it sure beats stewing in resentment for weeks on end.Д¬ORRECTION (Aug. When I began to look at voicing my concerns as a part of this process, instead of a confrontation, it made it much easier to have those tough conversations. Two people being there for each other requires adapting, shifting, and beyond anything else, understanding. When it was over, we didnвЂ™t hug and make up, but there was a mutual understanding that we both needed to change, which is realistic in friendship, yet hardly spoken about. The conversation led us to a discovery that communication was lacking and resentment was present. When the conversation has a lull or you want to take a break from speaking, Montfort recommends asking questions to open up the dialogue that can provide clarity for both parties.ДЄfter learning these tips, I was able to step away from the mirror (and from the words вЂњIвЂ™m pissedвЂќ) and sit down with my friend and explain how I was feeling. вЂњUse the sandwiching technique and begin with a positive affirmation of your friend, or a gratitude statement toward them, interject the difficult feedback (using 'I messages'), then end the conversation with a piece of positive feedback.вЂќ For example: IвЂ™m looking for a shoulder to cry on. Work on describing exactly what happened, and describing your reactions to it, as these are the only things that you can truly describe accurately,вЂќ says Montfort. Then, tell them what you needbecause these are the people youвЂ™re closest with, itвЂ™s okay to be more up front about your request. Avoid making assumptions or judgments about the other person's intentions or reasons for their behavior. It can be hard to do, especially if weвЂ™ve been hurt by friends before or vice versa. However, being vulnerable and honest with a friend about their flaws can create a stronger bond if it is done with care and respect.вЂќ

вЂњWith a romantic or familial relationship, there have been more opportunities for intensified emotional or physical attachment and vulnerability. вЂњItвЂ™s hard to be honest without hurting other peopleвЂ™s feelings or fearing that they may end the friendship,вЂќ says Kalberg. Shannon Kalberg, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explains that addressing difficult issues in friendships can be tricky. But why is that so hard to do with my friends? I have no problem voicing my concerns with an assertive - and sometimes borderline aggressive - tone. When he makes me the slightest bit rattled, he knows it - immediately. Except for my boyfriend of three and a half years. I am always struggling with finding the right way to let the people I care about know that IвЂ™m upset, disappointed or simply pissed off. So there I was, alone at home practicing the very words I wanted to utter that afternoon over lunch, uncertain that I'd have the courage to make it happen.

Go tell your friends abou it